Masturbation is a part of a healthy sex life. Keeping track of our masturbatory habits, not so much. Even so, we can now download Masturbation Calculator on Android and take note on how often we buff the banana. Let us wash our hands and see what this app is about.
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A serious app
Masturbation Calculator isn't necessarily a gag application, like the hundreds of fart apps for Android (seriously, how many fart apps do we need? Or deserve?).
One could claim that keeping track of our masturbatory habits could have benefits. Compulsive masturbation is a real problem for some people, who might be missing work or even giving up sex with their partner due to their habit.
On the other hand, if someone suddenly stops masturbating altogether, it could be a sign of anxiety or health problems.
From this angle, using the Masturbation Calculator app can reveal such patterns - and changes to patterns - that could otherwise go mostly unnoticed.
This is one of the two apps of its developer, Chirco Software. The other is a Smoking Calculator.
A simple app
The only access Masturbation Calculator asks for before we install it, is for In-app purchases and location.
No, the in-app purchases aren't for masturbatory aids or toys. The only purchase option if for an ad-free version of the app. The location will be used for the achievements - more on that later.
The app is as simple as it gets. Starting the app, the only button is the "I just masturbated" button.
Other than that, the app will keep simple statistics.
Where the app has gone the extra mile is the "Achievements" tab. We will find achievements for abstaining from masturbation...
...achievements for the frequency of masturbation...
...and half a dozen achievements for international masturbation. These achievements are why the app asks to know our location.
Although, if somebody aspires to be a Mr. WorldWide masturbator, seven countries in three continents aren't nearly enough.
In any case, the fact that the app doesn't automatically suggest we share each achievement on Facebook, Twitter, and a dozen other social media, is surely a plus.
Fun Fact: The Masturbation Calculator is at least 90% identical to the Smoking Calculator.
Unsurprisingly, Masturbation Calculator came first.
Will you be using the Masturbation Calculator?
If you intend to use the Masturbation Calculator, don't leave us a comment. Honestly, we don't want to know.
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